Summoning Storms
I was once called fraudulent, malicious
Life of lies, because would I even know
what the truth looked like.
What storm did I summon.
Head held down
Forgiving...
Forgetting, a constant
I sought familiarity in validation, in approval
I sought friendship in trauma bonds, shadows of brokenness,
whether glued or drying
People pleasing, being the fixer
Filling cups with shattered casings
Placing hands in sugary dough only to taste it's saltiness
I, a pleaser looking to be amongst the crowd, only to find
the crowd wanted nothing more with me
I was damaged goods washed ashore by Humberto.
It's winds ragged on, but I withstood her implications.
Her twisted storms of rain and shine
I summoned this storm without gust.
Fury forged within, felt like a boat with no anchor
like a plane without a pilot.
But, I a pleaser, a wanter of the crowd, the one who
sought validation within crooked lines, tested waters without heed.
Harvey blew from southeast, meandering till I solaced in emptiness.
Darkness opened it's arms, I climbed back into despair, a place I was accustomed to.
This fury forged, but unto who.
Storms of clouds align but I was left without wind to build a cyclone
Like tangled threads of yarn, I could not find my bearing
I thought the rainbow meant an apology for tumultuous weather
but those below saw no warmth in its rising.
Nor they in an Olive branch
They were content with hate
Content with flamed arrows stationed at the front
I sought to bury the storms that I summoned,
I built damns to hold it's fury
Erected walls to forge an alliance
Yet the surge of rain and thunder would not let up
I am like an island once occupied, now deserted
Storms that blew, took all that I knew
What remains are those that were true.
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