Struggling To Understand Life

I've been falling in and out of love with myself. Saying I deserve to be happy then punishing myself with my choices. Choosing people who will break me when I finally start to build myself up. Getting headrush and falling down every time I stand up for myself. I've been thinking about my life and what I want, I've been thinking I just want things to be easier. I've been thinking I was a fool to think things would change, And I've been thinking that maybe it's worth the wait. I've been treading water just wondering when I'll see the life raft, Maybe now I've found it. Maybe my life raft is believing I can do it. Maybe it's the people who help me believe. Life is confusing, I wish I'd done this before. I guess I'll just take it 5 minutes at a time. I'll just try.