Strong Enough
I sit in a ball on the bathtub floor
The scolding water mixes with my salty tears
Three years of missed opportunities washing down the drain
What can I do?
How can I get out?
I glance at the blade intentionally placed for me to see
One more time couldn’t hurt
But he thinks I’m strong
Though I’m weak
Numbly I stand and let the water wash over me
The blade slips back into my mind as the feelings invade
Longing and hope
Helplessness and panic
I turn the water off and wrap the cold towel around me
I glance at the blade and stare
It would just be a release
I can’t do this without my release
But he thinks I’m strong
And I can’t imagine telling him how weak I actually am
I grab my clothes and turn my back on the blade
I can’t be strong enough for me
But I can for him
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