Strong Enough

I sit in a ball on the bathtub floor The scolding water mixes with my salty tears Three years of missed opportunities washing down the drain What can I do? How can I get out? I glance at the blade intentionally placed for me to see One more time couldn’t hurt But he thinks I’m strong Though I’m weak Numbly I stand and let the water wash over me The blade slips back into my mind as the feelings invade Longing and hope Helplessness and panic I turn the water off and wrap the cold towel around me I glance at the blade and stare It would just be a release I can’t do this without my release But he thinks I’m strong And I can’t imagine telling him how weak I actually am I grab my clothes and turn my back on the blade I can’t be strong enough for me But I can for him