State of Comparison

I have spent the better part of my life
In a never ending state of comparison
That's been impossible to escape,
Scrutinising every inch of me
Down to the bone,
Looking in the mirror
Feeling wholelly alone. 

I marked in my head 
All the things I would change.
None of me was safe
From the silent surgery I'd make,
Not even myself
Down to the core.

I'd observe other people,
Adopting quirks and habits
In the hopes of becoming more admirable 
To everyone I knew or would meet
Until the few existing layers 
Of my own that still remained,
Were covered so well in the ground, 
Existing in their own graves
That forever goes untouched.

Never have I been able to escape
This state of comparison I seem to exist in.
Forever am I the pathological people pleaser,
Willing to change just to be liked,
Never truly feeling like I could be enough as I am.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2025

Poem

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