Splintered Along the Horizon...

my eyes meet up with yours as we walk
the swans flying form a heart as they flock
we jump holding hands off the edge of the dock
the summer water is a refreshing as can be
swimming together out to the old rock
as the sunset shatters into the sea 

getting closer as the day starts to disappear
for warmth and to ease your constant fears
water slowly dripping off us like little tears
I’m so damn happy to be here and so is she
nothing all around us not even the pier
as the sunset shatters into the sea  

“I love you” is done without being said
the sky around us is changing red
holding each other close in our water bed
like birds leaving a cage we are now free
breaking the halo that once sat on her head
as the sunset shatters into the sea 

the rock is like a mountain above the skies
watching the waves of life quickly pass us by
the scroll of childhood unrolls before my eyes
locking up my youth and throwing away the key
understand now that time really flies
as the sunset shatters into the sea

Copyright © | Year Posted 2009



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Date: 1/18/2009 1:01:00 PM
This is nicely measured out, giving it a good, musical flow. i like the use of rhyme and near-rhyme. The 'o' sound is used quite a lot in stanzas 3 and 4 giving them a sort of hymne-like feel, whilst the 'e' sounds are very much to the fore in the first two, profiding an earthliness. The contrasts work very well indeed. I am not convinced by the last line. I think the word 'shatters' doresn't feel right. Maybe that is just me and I need to read it again.
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