Southern Writers

I was reading in a Southern Living magazine yesterday that one thing that all great southern writers have in their books is a dead mule. The article cited several examples and said that their research indicated that if you wanted to be counted in amongst the great Southern writers and join them in their private Hereafter, you had to ride in on a dead mule. I could not help myself and got paper and pen and wrote the following. Did you know there’s a Hereafter Where Southern Writers dwell And if you’re a Southern Writer You’ll want in as well - - - but To be a Southern Writer There’s just one simple rule Somewhere in your writings You must include a mule And not just any mule story If you want your writing read This mule must be dying And ultimately dead It doesn’t matter if you love them Or hate them to their core You’ve got to kill a mule If your writing is to score They’ve been killed by all your heroes In Southern stories, books and plays Killed off by great writers In a multitude of ways Faulkner drowned a good pair In his book “As I Lay Dying” They’ve been shot and stabbed and frozen When the writers really trying They’ve been chewed up by a rabid dog Or left to die of thirst They’ve been tethered to a railroad track Or asphyxiated first Now as a Southern Writer I’m wondering just who’ll Deny me my Hereafter When they’ve read about my mule So here is my story of an old Southern mule Who rode Southern gents to an old Southern duel When they turned and fired, there formed a blood pool On the ground at the feet of this old Southern mule And bubbling up through the blood and the drool Came the very last gasp of this old Southern mule Who gave up his life for an old writer’s tool So that I could check off this Southern Writers rule