Home » Poems » Marybel Ortega » Sometimes It's Best She Doesn'T Know

Sometimes It's Best She Doesn'T Know

I tell my mom everything I want her to know,
She knew about my pain and what I had left to show,
She knows I hate when she hugs me because it hurts too much inside,
She knows I try so hard to never lose my Chicano pride,
She knows I'm so much like her and my dad,
And she also knows when I need a push just a little tad,
She knows I only cry when it truly hurts,
And she knows how much I hate when a friend blurts,
She knows I am so loyal and without me my friends would fall,
And she knows how much I wish I could always stand so tall,
She knows I'm scared of marriage and more of divorce,
She even knows I hate the fact that she moved me here by force,
She knows I'm not so innocent anymore,
And she knows I'm not the same little girl she use to hold when I was sore,
She knows I really do admire her even though it doesn't show,
But there's always little secrets my momma doesn't know,
She doesn't know how much she drinks truly makes me hurt,
and she doesn't know that her criticism makes me feel like dirt,
She doesn't know how many times I wished she'd disappear,
Now all I want is to always have her near,
She doesn't know I hate myself for making her feel so low,
And I know that being so much like my dad takes away her happy glow,
She doesn't know that to forget I drink and smoke,
Just another influence she left upon me to invoke,
She doesn't know I'm scared to really fall in love,
Because I don't want to be like her wishing him all the pain above,
She doesn't really know the extent of my love I have for her only,
But maybe that's because I move so fast in life I leave her all so lonely,
She doesn't know I try so hard not to be like her,
But I have to face it I am my mother's daughter,
I told my mom everything I wanted her to know,
But the lies caught up to me and look at what I have left to show

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