Ingrid Showalter Swift Poet Free verse

Sometimes It Doesn'T Matter and Sometimes It Does

So it matters and sometimes it doesn't
Tonight it does
I wait for you pathetically 
I wait for you
You text and say you can call later
Later comes and you still haven't called 
Sometimes it matters but sometimes it does
I suspend what I should be doing
Waiting
I think I should do those things I should be doing
 just to take up time
But I wait
I do nothing
You text again about how soon you'll call as soon as you're done with this thing or that thing or the other thing
I wait
I don't do the things I should do
I don't do the things I want to do
I wait
You don't text again
I text and say I know you're tired and you should call another day
and still I wait and don't do the things that should be done
It's just that I love you so much more than the things that should be done or even things I want to do

I wait a bit more

Then I break bad and do things I want to do
and I feel guilty as hell
that in some small way

The things I want to do mean more to me than waiting for you
I would wait for you
.... you know
 if I thought there was any way you would ever actually
 call
But you won't because there are so many things you should do and you do them
Why am I not more like you

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