Soliloquy Colloquial

When I saw this contest I knew I had it beat Speaking plain and simple is really kinda sweet Like stealing candy, from a baby It will be a piece of cake They won't know, just what hit them When I leave them in my wake But I'm sure they'll rack their brains And put their ducks all in a row Hold their cards close to their chest 'cause they think their in the know But of course, as fate would have it I'll finish last and have a cow while someone other than myself Will have wrote, the cat's meow