Sober

I haven't been sober in so many years In ways it's a high all it's own I've spent so much time Obliterating my own conscience For reasons that seemed so good at the time One more drink, one more smoke, one more line And all would be right in my mind Or at least thats what I believed But as I waited patiently For my life to fall together I seemed to miss The fact that it was falling apart I was standing in a burning building With a handful of matches And a gallon of kerosene Wondering why my world was on fire Unable to admit to anyone First and formost myself That the things I thought I needed Were surely to be my demise There were moments of pure joy sometimes When I was high for all the right reasons And learned enough for me to still believe They were brain cells honorably sacrificed For the sake of my expanded consciousness But those moments became fewer and fewer Unitil I was no longer learning or living I was dying Killing moments off bit by bit In an effort to get away from myself But in trying to escape my own past I was getting in my own way Drowning in an inertia I could no longer control Numb to the warning Numb to anything one could call life But I don't have that option anymore To freeze out my own instincts The block of my heart The choice to clean up was made for me And took me quite by surprise And I suppose I'll adjust in time Though I'll admit it's been a war And as I slowly grow accustomed to the thaw To feeling something, anything, stone sober I understand better why I made the choices I did How scary life can be Without your filters, your crutches But I also know that the moments I have now Are all the more precious Because I have earned each emotion And felt them through and through I have lived I have survived And I will be ok