Jesse Andrews | + Follow Poet |
I do not know? | + Fav Poem | Comment | Email | Print |

Sober

I haven't been sober in so many years
In ways it's a high all it's own
I've spent so much time
Obliterating my own conscience 
For reasons that seemed so good at the time
One more drink, one more smoke, one more line
And all would be right in my mind
Or at least thats what I believed
But as I waited patiently
For my life to fall together
I seemed to miss
The fact that it was falling apart
I was standing in a burning building
With a handful of matches
And a gallon of kerosene
Wondering why my world was on fire
Unable to admit to anyone
First and formost myself
That the things I thought I needed
Were surely to be my demise
There were moments of pure joy sometimes
When I was high for all the right reasons
And learned enough for me to still believe
They were brain cells honorably sacrificed
For the sake of my expanded consciousness
But those moments became fewer and fewer
Unitil I was no longer learning or living
I was dying
Killing moments off bit by bit
In an effort to get away from myself
But in trying to escape my own past
I was getting in my own way
Drowning in an inertia I could no longer control
Numb to the warning 
Numb to anything one could call life
But I don't have that option anymore
To freeze out my own instincts 
The block of my heart
The choice to clean up was made for me
And took me quite by surprise
And I suppose I'll adjust in time
Though I'll admit it's been a war
And as I slowly grow accustomed to the thaw
To feeling something, anything, stone sober
I understand better why I made the choices I did
How scary life can be
Without your filters, your crutches
But I also know that the moments I have now
Are all the more precious
Because I have earned each emotion
And felt them through and through
I have lived 
I have survived
And I will be ok

Copyright © Jesse Andrews | Year Posted 2010

Please Login to post a comment