So Much and Nothing

I feel so much but feel nothing at all. My mind and heart are contaminated. I feel nothing at all but I feel so much. My feelings are confused and tainted. I feel empty and lost, in very thick fog. I can't see which direction to take. I feel so much but feel nothing at all. After discovering their feelings for me were fake. I feel worthless, I feel useless. I feel like I can't say or do anything right. I feel nothing at all but I feel so much. Confused thoughts are a waterfall, that robs me of sleep every night. I feel sad and I feel broken. I feel pain infused with shame. I feel so much yet I feel nothing at all. After all those head and heart games. I feel isolated and so alone. I feel like no one even cares. I feel nothing at all but I feel so much. Hopeless heartbreaking despair. I feel ugly and unwanted. I feel undeserving and unworthy of love. I feel so much but feel nothing at all. Used, abused and then disposed of. I feel like I'm not myself. Something's missing,something's wrong. I feel so much but I feel nothing at all. The girl that was once me, is just gone. I'm all muddled up and mixed up. I don't know what the hell is real. I fell so much nothing and so much nothing I guess this is how numbness feels?