Smoke Alarm- a True Story
A long tale, so grab a drink.
Dateline, Tuesday, August 30th 2016.
They had a clear-out where I used to work
with heaps of office junk for getting rid,
the usual stuff in cardboard boxes lurked
old staplers, cookie jars with broken lids.
We salvaged anything that could be used,
the biros, Sellotape and stationery,
time was tight, we couldn't pick and choose
just rummaged quick for useful things that be.
Well buried at the bottom, out of sight
an object that we very nearly missed
caught my eye with a tiny blinking light
of red upon a large round plastic disc.
On digging out this big white UFO
inspection showed it was a smoke alarm,
in fully working order and then so
I took it home, there didn't seem much harm.
It languished in my shed and gathered dust
although with good intentions I had meant
to install it one day, I really must,
but to the back of my mind that thought went.
Until this morning.....
A chirping sound had roused me from my sleep
just one, every few seconds, loud and clear,
the cat ,arching his back ,hissed at the beeps
loud enough now for neighbours all to hear.
I found the long lost disc wrapped in a cloth,
no battery to take out, the unit sealed,
so left it, later it would feel my wrath
and under my lump hammer it would yield.
And so, today, the execution date
it lay upon the slabs in my back yard
one plaintive beep before it met it's fate
as with both hands I bought hammer down hard.
To say things didn't go as I expect,
is quite an understatement, at the least
since all the blows I rained had no effect
and sad white little disc became the beast.
The beep became one non-stop high pitch squeal
the volume almost making my ears bleed
the neighbours came out shouting “what's the deal?”
off ran the cat, now that was all I need.
Repeating my attempts proved just futile
it carried on, and I was tiring out
dogs nearby started barking for a while
people asking what the fuss was all about.
Now centre of attention in the street
and cursing now the day that I had found it
into the kitchen I beat a retreat
and got a bowl of water where I drowned it.
It stopped the lights and noise immediately-
but not before electrocuting me.
My hair is up on end and ain't come down
a bit like Statue of Liberty's crown.
So if you think junk you find needs a home,
If I were you, I'd leave it well alone.
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