Skin Tag Fiasco
So I found a small skin tag on my inner thigh a few weeks ago and me being the YouTube king ‘Do it yourself-er’ started researching on how to remove skin tags without going to a dermatologist. I came across this handy little gadget that painlessly removes skin tags, moles, warts, freckles and tattoos. Two days later thanks to Amazon prime shipping my package was delivered. Well I decided I needed to learn how to use this little miracle device and who better to be my first Guinea pig than Tasha. She has a small skin tag on her neck and after putting on a sales pitch that would make the Sham-Wow Guy jealous she agreed to the procedure. Now this thing has a zero to eight setting so I started kinda low at three. I steadied myself and touched the tip of the needle to her neck and she let out a scream that could be used in Hollywood horror movie soundtracks. I slowly backed away cause she gave me ‘the look’ and retreated to my bathroom to deal with this bothersome skin tag on my leg. So I sit on the bathroom counter with plenty of light to perform my first self surgery and set the device to (1) cause 3 didn’t agree with Tasha very well. I touched the tip of the needle to the skin tag and there was baaaarely a tingle felt. I upped the setting to 2 then 3. All I could think of was what a wuss! Now this device is pretty much a needle that shoots out an electrical arch and burns away anything it touches. I worked around the base of the skin tag cause that’s what I remember the old lady in the Youtube video saying. Setting # 3 really wasn’t getting it so I continuously turned up the juice until I was finally at the highest setting. It hurt some but hey I’m saving money by doing this myself and I don’t have to drop my pants in front of a dermatologist. After about ten minutes of burning the $#!t out of this little thing looking like some kind of crazed tig welder it was still hanging on for dear life. I decided to stop after the bathroom started smelling like Jeffrey Dahmer’s kitchen on BBQ night. I could have swore the old lady in the video said the skin tag will fall off after a few days. Well the next morning I dropped my shorts and looked down at my leg and discovered what I had done. Not only did I fail at removing the little fellow but I had obviously angered it. It was like I had a third nipple on my leg and not the size of my own God given nipple but rather the kind a lactating third trimester first time nursing mom would have. Never again will I attempt this!
Copyright © Robbie Mcclellan | Year Posted 2019
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment