since you left

at first it was unbearable i must admit i wanted to stay home, i told my mom i felt sick i understand now why they say time heals it does kinda funny though, its healing what never was the first few weeks i’d wake up and try to get out of bed awakened from a slumber that was only induced to silence the sirens in my head carefully watching my steps to avoid the shards of glass scattered across the floor leftover pieces of my heart that you forgot to pick up, the heart you said was yours our paintings, you left those too embarrassingly enough, for my birthday all i wanted was a text from you eventually things got easier though, or maybe i just got distracted by the bells and whistles of life’s orchestration you’ve given me no closure yet endless confirmation unremitting sobs and no one to talk to everyone was sick of hearing of my suffering, it was awful then the hurt started to leave, and arose the confusion how could you pretend? how wasn’t it real? was it all an illusion? was i just another girl to you? how could my everything be nothing to you? silly little questions that i realized i’ll never find answers to because i evidently don’t know your heart, i don’t even think you do the confusion was cut short along with my livelihood when i was met with you know what funny, it’s actually only you who knows what do you know what? don’t you care? it doesn’t matter if you do anyways, evidently you lied when you said with you i could always share now, i still see your face when i walk around my house it scared me when i tried to remember the sound of your voice and it was faint as a mouse yesterday i passed the photobooth we took those cute pictures in the ones i had hanging on my wall i took them down, but i still look at them everytime i have no one to call i look and remember when i had you and for that i am grateful enough i won’t lie and say i’m completely over it, because anyone could call my bluff i am becoming empty now, i actually understand you more things hurt less and i’m no longer frazzled when people walk out the door i’m starting to get back to okay again, but its an ephemeral feeling shortlived by the memories and remembrance its mostly emptiness though mostly nothing just like you i guess nothings been the same not since you left