since you left
at first it was unbearable i must admit
i wanted to stay home, i told my mom i felt sick
i understand now why they say time heals
it does
kinda funny though, its healing what never was
the first few weeks i’d wake up and try to get out of bed
awakened from a slumber that was only induced to silence the sirens in my head
carefully watching my steps to avoid the shards of glass scattered across the floor
leftover pieces of my heart that you forgot to pick up, the heart you said was yours
our paintings, you left those too
embarrassingly enough, for my birthday all i wanted was a text from you
eventually things got easier though, or maybe i just got distracted by the bells and whistles of life’s orchestration
you’ve given me no closure yet endless confirmation
unremitting sobs and no one to talk to
everyone was sick of hearing of my suffering, it was awful
then the hurt started to leave, and arose the confusion
how could you pretend? how wasn’t it real? was it all an illusion?
was i just another girl to you? how could my everything be nothing to you?
silly little questions that i realized i’ll never find answers to
because i evidently don’t know your heart, i don’t even think you do
the confusion was cut short along with my livelihood when i was met with you know what
funny, it’s actually only you who knows what
do you know what?
don’t you care?
it doesn’t matter if you do anyways, evidently you lied when you said with you i could always share
now, i still see your face when i walk around my house
it scared me when i tried to remember the sound of your voice and it was faint as a mouse
yesterday i passed the photobooth we took those cute pictures in
the ones i had hanging on my wall
i took them down, but i still look at them everytime i have no one to call
i look and remember when i had you and for that i am grateful enough
i won’t lie and say i’m completely over it, because anyone could call my bluff
i am becoming empty now, i actually understand you more
things hurt less and i’m no longer frazzled when people walk out the door
i’m starting to get back to okay again, but its an ephemeral feeling
shortlived by the memories and remembrance
its mostly emptiness though
mostly nothing
just like you
i guess nothings been the same
not since you left
Copyright © amagyn spencer | Year Posted 2024
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