Silent Screams

My heart torn apart by a love gone south, poorly taped together with blow and green, Methaqualone was the only spackle of my survival Lori was smart to leave, for her own safety, health and welfare, the blue eyed boy’s corneas now gray, his soul was no more When it’s too late, it’s too late, good intentions and lofty promises, even on the best parchment, are hardly grounds for a revival Escaping from an illicit, illegal, immoral web of dysfunction and dishonesty, she needed to run, for her I was a man just to abhor In deep denial was I, awaiting for the sun to drop, before I opened my special jar of Rohr seven fourteens, I didn't really have a problem, just lonely despair A broken heart mended with ludes, is just a valve-less pump, intoxicated, numb and still broken with no hope So soon a new life she had, word got around her name was to change, A big diamond and a picket fence, so quick was her repair Self pity…delusion…and lonely sadness, I could barely go on, my life changed not, the contraband I slang lined my pockets, no more was I, than a selfish mope Ten more years of the same old crap, a new love, romance, a hostage here a hostage there, until they figured out a looser in disguise was I Once on a spiritual quest, the blue eyed boy wasn’t all bad, just got high to ease the pain, a pain that knew no salve, in the end so gray had the forsaken son become, shrouded in the free base cloud A change of zip code, incognito and ashamed, different climate and different trees, oh so lonely and alone, sadness, madness, tears and fears…no one really knew, not even I A quick Xmas holiday visit, I was back in town, upon the Greyhound I arrived, not wanted around, my showing up was the party’s dread, my silent screams could be heard aloud Friday, January 86, on death’s threshold, one last deal, one last gram, one last cloud, paranoia, paranoia, paranoia I awoke that morning, He was in the room, I heard His beckon, He held my hand, Providence was found, a moment of clarity had I, I am now free