Shooting Victim
Gunpowder residue
Around my mouth
From when you shot me.
Bullets ricochet in my head
Like restless thoughts.
Who knew a false pretense of love
Would hurt so bad?
Who knew the pain would last for years,
Into decades,
Into the rest of my life?
When I close my eyes,
Your hands are on me,
Your breath hot on my neck.
You held a gun to my mouth and said
suck
You pulled the trigger.
You caused me permanent,
Irreparable damage
That can never be undone.
It’s just a misunderstanding.
I have to learn to live with a bullet lodged in my mind.
You don’t.
Have you talked to
my therapist about that?
My friends about that?
People who have seen me
Curl up into the smallest possible shape I could,
Sobbing and shaking on display?
Getting caught in the high tide of my thoughts,
Of you and what you did.
I’m drowning with nothing to grab ahold of insight.
You keep tugging at my pants,
Pulling me closer and closer to the bottom of the sea,
You see-
I’m not the only one with this pain.
I am not the only one you shot.
I should have kept that in mind
When you asked for help,
When you lead me to your room,
When you turned the lights off,
When you ruined me.
We will never be the same
Because of you.
But we are stronger
Because of you.
We do not owe you a ‘thank you’.
We owe ourselves a ‘thank you’
And an ‘i’m sorry.’
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