Louzana Nubani Poet Free verse

Seeking Serenity

Today was both beautifully pleasant and awfully disappointing. I met a friend, and lost a friend. The sad thing in this, the friend I lost and met was the same person.
This dreadful sensation drools over me, am I that repulsive? Am I that bad in first impressions?
How is it? I am bad.. How is it? I am hated by many and by each and every person I meet. Why is it; I am hated? My intentions were always pure, my smile was always kind, my remarks and chats were always friendly. 
Then what is it that I did? That was so dreadful. What is it that I will do? To erase it? What is it that you ask of me? 
This heart of mine has gone astray. Those voices in mind have gone with no sound.
Those eyes have gone blind. To a path, to any path, they no longer see right or wrong.
Why is it; this my fate? What can possibly repay? All those odious, intolerable memories and days of mine? 
I have lived, this loathsome life of mine, with no reason, with no goals, with no dreams, sturdy patience did I own, did I so longingly lose.
I look up to the sky with tired, impassive eyes. I have waited, I have stood. But when? And where? Will I have friends much as sincere, much as comforting, much as everlasting.
I listen to the same track over and over again, with deep feelings of weariness and fatigue oozing from me; same questions, same wonders, and the same unanswered calls. 
These days, they drain me and consume me, I have nothing left, maybe its time to give up, to truly surrender. There’s nothing left and nothing will ever be the same, I want to rest now, liberate myself from all these feelings, and emotions, I wanna find peace once and for all, whether it is on this expiring earth or eternal heavens.

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Patricia L Graham January 20, 2014 at 1:37 PM Very open and emotive sharing. People come in and out of our lives and you'll never be quite sure what's going on for individuals ... I wonder if you're still writing ...

Victoria Anderson-Throop December 26, 2012 at 8:26 AM this striving for serenity is the most difficult passion that consumes many of us. and, dividing our lives into parcels... the defeat of friendships...this is a sad part of life..and the hardest to accept... good luck..hope to read more of your work!

Janet Vick January 6, 2012 at 5:25 AM I hope you find your way out of this depression. This reads like one on the edge who is ready to left life go. You certainly drag your readers into the pits with you. Take care and I hope you are doing okay. Janet Louzana Nubani January 6, 2012 at 5:38 AM I Hope so too, Thank you for the Kind Comment and take care as well :)