Santa's Last Run
T'was the night before Christmas
and Santa was ailing
His joints were so sore
his eyesight was failing
He fretted about making
rounds for the kids
as his aging old body
was down on the skids
He'd turned diabetic
from eating too hearty
And tipping the bottle
at the elves Christmas party
The gout in his toe
was really a pain
And the threat of Dementia
would drive him insane
Being a senior
and driving a sleigh
Meant there were few rest stops
through earth's milky way
A sickness of motion
and firey heartburn
Didn't sit well
old Santa would learn
Flying a sleigh after
eating too well
Would cause Santa's poor belly
to grumble and swell
As for his heart
the elves constant bicker
Had taken a toll
on Santa's poor ticker
His blood pressure was high
from Mrs. Claus nagging
When he slept on the couch
she accused him of lagging
His son Santa Jr.
would take up the route
Next year in his Dad's
altered red and white suit
So a bedraggled old Santa
climbed into the sleigh
to make his last delivery
On this Christmas Day
And they heard him declare
as the sleigh rose up higher
Merry Christmas to all
I can't wait to retire!
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