Sadness

cant get you out of my head no one in particular , just the idea of you some one who truly loves me and that will hold the key to my heart but i sit alone unable to bring my self to find the words to connect so now i sit in my room and please myself with nothing to comfort me except self loathing why do i have to be this way? why do i have to be me? for so long i have found ways to escape and it is all caught up to me these fantasy's now looking bleak and without meaning so sad this life im leading plow through the day only looking forward to dreaming please dont shed a tear for me not asking for your symphony guess i just had to get it off my chest so why is it that i wake up everyday inside screaming telling myself to get away... abandoned all that makes me me i find it kinda funny that all i want is to sleep but my mind wont let it be so hour after hour i lay unsatisfied begging and praying for a little relief a f*****g off switch lived so long with this internal bleeding from scars left long ago... i really dont know what else to say so smile and look up to the clouds embrace the sunshine and enjoy your day because you may not wake up next time this is your better day.