Notes About The Poem
Shamelessly inspired by my poem 'Emu'
Rum N Raisin 8 - All Growed Up
‘Beasties’ is a bar that’s run for all the local pets
It’s quite easily found because it’s next door to the vets
The barman is an Emu but he gets it in the neck
The locals call him Gregory and whisper, “Peck, peck, peck.”
One day Rum said, “Why don’t we go down and get a drink?’
But Raisin said, “I don’t want you to throw up in the sink!”
Well, Rum was quite persuasive and was acting rather rash
He climbed up on some stilts and wore an awful fake moustache
He said, “I’ve got it figured out, for we’re not old enough.”
He said it in a voice he thought was gruff and slightly tough
Raisin laughed her socks off and said, “This, I’ve got to see,
But when it all goes badly wrong… don’t blame it all on me!”
It wasn’t very long before they walked into the bar
Raisin was astounded that - on stilts - they’d got this far
Rum still had his fake moustache and talked like his Papa
And Raisin’s master plan meant that she wore a lady’s bra
Rum said, “Gregory, I’d like drinks for my wife and I.”
The emu huffed, “Will no one use my name before I die?
I’m Englebert Von Spindlelegs.” The emu rubbed his neck
And all the other drinkers laughed when Rum said, “Peck, peck, peck!”
Englebert the emu laid out one or two drinks mats,
“Don’t you know the drinking age does not apply to cats.”
And then he had a little laugh which made his long neck jiggle
“So I will serve you crazy cats, if you can make me giggle.”
Rum said, “I will treat that task as though it were a dare,
But take my word for it, you’ll need a change of underwear.
I shall place this order; it will bring you to your knees…
I’d rather like a ‘Feline Special’, barman, if you please.”
The emu scratched his head and said, “Im trying hard to think,
And I don’t think I’ve come across that particular drink.”
Raisin said, “Ignore him ‘Greg’ it’s just a G&T,
And maybe you would like to pour another one for me.”
Englebert (or Gregory) considered ‘Gin and Tonic’
He eyeballed Rum n Raisin and his voice was quite ironic
“What makes that a ‘Feline Special’ in your catty head?”
Rum stared at the barman, “Mice and Lemon,” he said
The emu grinned a little and he said, “I have heard worse,
But I would have been more impressed if you had spoke in verse
But, hey, I kinda like you cats and I’m inclined to think
The trouble that you’ve gone too should earn each of you a drink.”
So Englebert (or Gregory… he’ll answer either call)
Handed them two glasses filled up white and very tall
“We serve dogs and we serve cats and creatures of that ilk
But no one here drinks alcohol so there’s your nice cold milk.”
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