Room 101

There’s a show that’s on the telly Frank Skinner is the host And the guests he has they talk about What winds them up the most In a novel by George Orwell Called nineteen eighty four People get to face their fears Behind a dark mysterious door The number one that on my list I’m sure you will agree Cold callers that seem to know When you’re watching your TV Or early in the morning While you are still in bed So it was for me one Friday And this was what was said The first words that were spoken “How are you today?” “To tell the truth until you rang” “I was pretty much OK” But since you’ve asked me so politely About my physical or mental state I will tell you what my week’s been like Why you’ve called will have to wait Monday started badly And maybe you don’t care But my car’s brakes, suspension and exhaust Were costly to repair Tuesday wasn’t any better I had no milk in the fridge And to make things worse that evening I played terrible at bridge Wednesday was a nightmare My printer’s out of ink And the white shirt that I put in the wash Has turned a ghastly shade of pink Yesterday was better But before I went to bed I thought I’d recorded Masterchef But got Emmerdale instead So now I guess it’s your turn And now I’m wondering why If you’re calling me to check If I’ve had PPI “Well no” he said “It isn’t that” “I’ll call back later if I can” “This doesn’t seem the best time to discuss “Our affordable funeral plan”