Requiem of Solitude

Alone….in a home full of people,… is that possible? Alone I wait in my personal lair of gloomy despair hoping for the light of aspiration to appear before me to some how save me…. Save me…save me from my quickening demise inspired by self hatred. Its lonely in here, and I have no one to blame I alone bare the shame of the erosion of my faith in anything. I’ve tried to take the road less traveled but all the baggage that I have wouldn’t allow me that freedom… freedom… freedom to walk around with a continuous smile that I’ve wanted to display so dearly these last 21 years. But fear holds me back because I’m afraid that if I allow anyone to see me enjoying life and living freely they’ll want to take it from me. Hurt is the only feeling I feel I’m worth being given . It hurts living like this so I sometimes wonder how it would feel if I didn’t exist. And yet some flicker of hope lives in the back of my mind hoping through time I’ll one day feel worthy of receiving the feelings that I now deny any entry into my life.