Regrets

Here I lay, awaiting my death, Counting down to my final breath. My mind is so full of regrets, Overwhelmed by my many debts. Through the years I lost touch with friends, And the wound this caused never mends. My best friend died six years ago. Until last year, I didn’t know. Lord I wish we hadn’t lost touch. But I guess I’m asking too much. I just wish we could turn back time, So that I could undo this crime. But some seeds we cannot un-sow, With one hundred breaths left to go. And before I get down to one, Lord I’d so love to see my son. He hasn’t come to visit me. I wasn’t a good dad you see. I asked far too much from the boy, My demands took away his joy. He just wanted to have a say, To navigate life his own way. And isn’t that everyone’s goal, To become our own unique soul? Once upon a time it was mine. But I let my dad redefine The person I’d grow up to be, ‘Til I couldn’t recognize me. I wish I had each of these back. Then maybe we’d both be on track. And perhaps before life is done, I could say goodbye to my son. Happiness was all my boy sought. It’s a goal that I once forgot. To become a clone of my dad, I gave up the dreams that I had. And now here I lay in this bed, In eighty four breaths I’ll be dead. And the trauma of my regrets Is drenching my body in sweat. I wish I had followed my dreams, Sailed my vessel on different streams. I wish I hadn’t worked so much, Or let it cause me to lose touch, With friends that I had long ago, A son I never got to know. And now I have run out of time, With just me to blame for this crime. And my guilt will join me in death. I’m down to my last sixteen breaths. I never thought I’d die this way; All alone on my final day. And as my last breath fills my chest, I am still unable to rest. For the spirit never forgets. Death cannot erase my regrets. What happens next, I can’t say. You’ll see for yourself one fine day. Death is what the journey begets. Last breaths are no place for regrets.