Refurbished Nursery Rhymes: Old King Cole, a Very Merry Monarch

...or It's good to be the king! What was't made King Cole Such a merry old soul As he sucked on his pipe, And he supped from his bowl, And he fiddled around With three young court musicians? And what was the role Of his missus, Queen Cole? Was she under a table With a lad from the stable Who was told he'd be able To upgrade his position? These royal highnesses Were not known for their shynesses, But more for their quaint peculiarities. The queen drank from a chalice That was shaped like a phallus, While he labored away Doing king things all day In a black lace brassière And a pink negligée. But their subjects adored Such eccentric vulgarities. Now, getting back to the king, That sweet silly old thing, Here's how his story played out. He had good years aplenty, Then at three score and twenty, He finally retired And expired of the gout.