Refurbished Fairy Tales: The Real Skinny on Snow White

!!!CAVEAT LECTOR!!! This one's a bit naughty, dear readers... You've heard of Snow White And the story reported Of the seven wee dudes With whom she consorted. Well, here's the actual skinny On what really occurred, Just another example Of how stories get blurred. The facts are quite shocking, Some may be offended, But read on, if you dare, Discretion much recommended. The dwarves toiled in a mine And got dusty and sweaty, Then they'd rush home to Snow, Willing, able, and ready. They played sex games with prizes, Who was best, who the worst, And poked good-natured fun At who dropped or "popped" first. Their sylvan life was idyllic, The fringe benefits great, One romp after another, A real ménage à eight, 'til the vain evil queen Asked her mirror, who said, "Hon, your huntsman fibbed big time, Fair Snow White isn't dead." So she dressed herself up As a hag and went callin' With a web of deceit She was sure Snow would fall in. The crone gave her an apple Her kind deeds to repay. Snow took one juicy bite And swooned dead away. Now, here's one of the falsehoods I'd like to correct. You don't need to be Einstein These dots to connect. Snow didn't succumb To poisoned pomme, as they say, She was just plain exhausted From "playing house" night and day. The dwarves were sad but decided A good thing was worth keeping, It's not necrophilia If the body's just sleeping. Then Prince Charming found her, Woke her up with a kiss, And blah blah they lived In storybook bliss. What's never been told, When Snow woke and was sitting, She said, "No, not tonight, dears, My headache is splitting!" Then sotto voce, "Now, Prince, Let me make you aware, It's a significant fact That dwarves are dwarves 'everywhere'. Pay no heed to the rumors, What they fail to instruct Is that though the garden's been plowed, This blossom's yet to be plucked."