Reflections of Resilience

Originally titled Diary of the (Un)broken

I wrote down what you did to me in detail,
That way I can't confuse it
I know I did not give my trust
For you to abuse it. 
How's a man to hurt a woman for his own amusement?
That makes one of us laughing,
But leaves me trying not to lose it.

And for a while,
I forgot how to feel. 
I lay in bed and let my blankets shroud me in denial, 
And I'll admit,
I almost let myself believe you When you said I wanted it. 

When I tried to push you off me, 
I wasn't strong enough.
And when I thought that you were done,
You hadn't had enough. 
Yes, it's been rough,
And the replay running through my head
Isn't helping. 

But I have to be strong,
For me. 
I have to hold on
To me,
Though I may never be the girl I used to be. 
I know it's not my fault,
And you are a bastard 
For making me master the art
Of falling apart and faking a smile for the masses. 
And the most disastrous part, 
I've known from the start,
Is that from the pain in my bed came a pain in my head and it haunts me.
I just want peace. 

I just want peace for myself.

And not to be weak, or meek, or mild, or mousy. 
I want to rage. 
I want to break free from this cage
And this pain you have caused me.
I want to be free
Of my mind and my memory. 

Here lies my memories.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2017

Poem

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Black Avatar
May 16, 2017 at 6:44 AM
Courageous, Sad and empowering. Beautiful writing for such a terrible experience. Peace, love and happiness to you.
White Avatar
March 1, 2017 at 11:14 PM
That is a great poem you've written. It's sad, but it's a statement. A very well written first poem, full of emotion. Welcome to us all on PoetrySoup.
Patricio Avatar
March 2, 2017 at 12:51 AM
Thank you kindly for your encouragement and warm welcome, Darren!
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