Reflection

Am I in love? I must say no, For love to myself, I never show. My brain is very active still, It works against me to break my will. The evil, it's there, it's blinding me, So my mind floats in fantasy It's very addictive, And I'm quite afflicted With these talented souls, That shall never know, Or see my words, or hear my voice, Anytime I make a choice, About or over anything, Like shall we dance or maybe sing. Still my mind's preoccupied, All other things I just abide. This hand I'm dealt, I do not desire, It causes pain like flames of fire, Burning away at my mortal being, Always feeling the need for fleeing, Away from this place and across this land, Through valleys to mountains and burning sand. If I understood why, I'm positive, That maybe then I'd want to live. Instead I sit right on this spot, Deciding whether to take the shot. I think that I am going crazy, Days of late seem very hazy, So many ways I wish to fly, So I no longer have to lie, And pretend to be a happy chick, When in this mind the thoughts are sick. My heart, desire and soul have lost Hope of mothering whatever the cost. I’ve taken His punishment since the past, I hoped one day to see the last, But still it drags on evermore, What does He want? I must implore. The time is short it's growing near, It'll seal my fate, that I fear. Oh father time, can you not stop? The ticking of this infernal clock It's almost here, I see the day, Please won't you stop these games you play. My mind is fragile, this God knows, I hope to strengthen before it blows, For I pray, tis not my destiny To be driven into insanity.