Readying To Die

How is it possible, that a mind can switch so fast? Joyous and happy, angry and hating, then sad and broken? A mental instability hindering a soul. A mental illness driving a mind to the brink. I’ve come upon thoughts so full of purity and hope. Yet the same day, thoughts of death and worthlessness. How can this be? I saw you days ago, it was a good time so sweet. But a day or two passes and I’m admitting defeat. If you could delve into my shattered mind, What is it that you could find? A computer error, bringing up screens of warning. Covering the work and progress, leaving me scorning. Nicotine and thoughts written out, Seems my only release. But even then I continuously doubt, If I’ll ever find peace. I’ve read the messages we’ve sent in texts, I’ve replayed the words you’ve told me aloud. Through a biology I’ve been hexed, A mind covered in shroud. Reassurance constantly needed, With your words like sweet nectar. A long process unheeded, Should I even text her? But I need to feel wanted, From a person who needs space. A brain that feels stunted, From mistakes I can’t erase. Mass confusion like movements, Cause the man a stall in improvements. At this point I’m just defeated and lost. Readying to die at whatever cost.