Putting the Brakes On

I often talk about the biggest scare, that I have ever had, Thinking back I have to say, I acted bloody mad, And it didn’t get much better when I tried to rectify, The cause by saving money thinking it would get me by. Thankfully this major trauma had me staring down at sense, And all because a foot each way would leave me no defence, I knew me brakes were shonky but it’s something I ignore, It took extra time to pull up with me foot down to the floor. Then one Friday afternoon with the traffic at it’s peak, I was driving up to traffic lights with the weather fairly bleak, Rain was falling heavily, and when I looked up ahead, I knew I was in trouble ‘cause the lights had turned to red. I pumped the brakes like buggery but it was all to no avail, So I yanked up the hand brake handle, that also deemed to fail, New driving skills came into practice, missing cars was only luck, I sideswiped two pedestrians before I missed a loaded truck. Me car spun ‘round in circles on the wet and slippery tar, Mounted a curb and grazed a fence, then hit a metal bar that stopped me on the footpath and right then I got the shakes, And so I thought I better go and see about the brakes. So I rang a few garages, to work out the cheapest quote, Repairing brakes ain’t cheap at all, and there’s other things to note, Is it just the pads? It could be the drums! The fluid may be low, But when I mentioned what I did, they all just answered “Oh!” The phone quote didn’t work at all; the options are too great, And the feeling that I seem to get, I’ve left the pads too late, The scenario is terrible; the whole system needs replacing, And fifteen hundreds bucks they said, is how much I’ll be facing. ‘Bugger that’ I gave a shrug, and at a snail’s pace drove away, Then it hit me like a missile, and so I grinned and thought ‘okay’, I’ll go and see Ted Akers, he will be cheaper there’s no doubt, He’s always tinkering with engines, so I’m sure he’ll help me out. Ted took a look and said, “No worries, brakes is easy to replace, You just leave your car here ‘fella’ and give me a bit of space, It will be ready by tomorrow, and I declare you won’t be dealt, A quote of fifteen hundred bucks ‘cause that’s’ a hit below the belt”. Then did I get a bloody shock; when I picked up and read Ted’s bill, it’s only twenty bucks, but then me hands went to me head, When mentioning a problem, Ted classed as trivial somehow, “I couldn’t fix your brakes Old Son, but your horns much louder now”.