Push Away Don'T Hold

I dont like people close, though i hold them tight. I dont want anyone in my life, though i put up a fight. I dont want a relationship, no one around me all the time. I dont need a woman, not now not by my side. As I say these words, as you look towards me. As u read this poem, the words you truly see. The real side about me, that I really left unknown. Is now not a secret. This is something now shown. I start to like someone, i bring them real close to me. Tell them everything they need to hear, a form of familiarity. To catch there attention, these words I speak they are all so true But then I gotta push away, cuz i get scared this cant continue. For if it does i might be happy, thats not possible not this life not for me. I cant hold onto, so i get real clingy. I become the person i am not, so they become upset. It only takes a week or so, then i get past regret. I move onto the next one. To get my mind at ease. Im sorry you have to find out this way, dont forgive me please. I dont deserve forgivess, i dont want your trust back. Ill always live my life this way, i am the sheep who's black. I do not write this for sympathy, but just to speak these words to you This will always be my life, it will always be untrue. Josh Vanham March 21 2017