Josh Van Ham Poet Ballad

Push Away Don'T Hold

I dont like people close, though i hold them tight.

I dont want anyone in my life, though i put up a fight.

I dont want a relationship, no one around me all the time.

I dont need a woman, not now not by my side.

As I say these words, as you look towards me.

As u read this poem, the words you truly see.

The real side about me, that I really left unknown.

Is now not a secret. This is something now shown.

I start to like someone, i bring them real close to me. 

Tell them everything they need to hear, a form of familiarity.

To catch there attention, these words I speak they are all so true

But then I gotta push away, cuz i get scared this cant continue.

For if it does i might be happy, thats not possible not this life not for me.

I cant hold onto, so i get real clingy.

I become the person i am not, so they become upset.

It only takes a week or so, then i get past regret. 

I move onto the next one. To get my mind at ease.

Im sorry you have to find out this way, dont forgive me please.

I dont deserve forgivess, i dont want your trust back.

Ill always live my life this way, i am the sheep who's black.

I  do not write this  for sympathy, but just to speak these words to you

This will always be my life, it will always be untrue.

Josh Vanham March 21 2017

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