Pure Intentions
how many times have i pretended to have plans?
had to design an excuse to get out of the house.
when i say i'm with friends
i really mean i'm with buds,
and im smoking enough for an army.
yet the hours pass alone and i drive
til i see the sun rising on east coast suburbia.
listening to the mixed tape he made me,
and all i can think about is the teenage romance
found in the backseat of my first car.
we spent so many hours tied in knots,
it's hard to believe those feelings ever faded.
and i almost called you the other night.
i drove by your mom's old house and hoped
that the demons in your family were suffocated long ago.
i wanted you next to me
but i know you haven't though of me in years.
i'm cruising alone
and there is no one to blame
but myself.
i drive through salem
and i stone myself hoping
to reach the witches or the dead poets
that float above my head.
please try to remember me
in the cobblestone streets
of your midnight retreat
because i remember you always.
if i were to call you up,
would you still play the game
of who loves who most?
everything was so different
when we were all growing up
and growing into who we never knew
we could be.
the ghosts of our future tried to warn us
of the muderous distance that would melt
what was supposed to link us for life.
the innocence was so real,
it's hard to imagine that we ever
had pure intentions.
but everything white will develop a stain.
sometimes it's a quick splash of coffee,
sometimes it's the nervous sweat that gathers
on the back of your neck when i get too close.
you can bleach the memories
until they tear like an old sweater,
but you'll never forget the warmth it brought
because you've never looked better
than when i was clinging to your shoulders.
back then it was all so black and white.
there was no getting high,
there was only love.
but we aren't the same two people
that once promised our lives to each other.
it's easy to move on when your brain is clouded with smoke,
but what happens when the smoke clears
and all i can see is still you?
when i'm sober and alone,
who will i still need?
when my gas light turns on
and the heat stops working...
will you be there as i've always imagined?
or will i be alone and cold as i've always anticipated?
Copyright © Evelyn Rose | Year Posted 2016
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