Prayer: In the Absence of Justice

in the absence of justice you drop to your knees & you close your eyes looking for something somewhere else which you believe can do the work for you--- you run in your mind to another place, which you believe exists even though you have never actually found proof & no one you know has ever found such a place or testified to its existence without standing in that same dumbfounded lack of evidence & lack of substance--- still, with your eyes closed you want vengeance--- whatever has been done wrong to you whatever you cannot deal with or defend yourself against, you feel that something else should--- and so you concentrate (so much energy that could be spent in so many other more productive ways) & you want with all of your heart to believe that in due time justice will come to you because of your faith in a process whereby you ask, and you receive something from an imagined force which only you know as intimate as you believe that you do--- & in the absence of what you believe to be right in your actual life, you hope with every thought in your daily routine retracing every mental step (in wonder if you “jinxed” your own prayer by “misbehaving,” or “acting incorrectly” thereafter) in some kind of mad schizo-struggle opposing yourself & supporting yourself & congratulating yourself & condemning yourself--- all for the sake of something that someone else told you during your upbringing or worse yet, something that you ran to when you felt that you were left with no alternatives in your later years even though you & i both know that you did not take the time to consider all your options. good luck with that.