Debra Felsch Poet Couplet

Potential Spam

My phone lights up, the ringer blares,
Disrupting all the morning prayers!
The preacher stops to stare at me,
Like I'm a walking tragedy.

I fumble fast, my wife could die,
With murder flashing in her eye.
But here they are, "Potential Spam,"
A cut-rate loan and mortgage scam!

My sweating face turns burning red,
My spouse just wishes I was dead.
I drop my hymnal, lose my cool,
And look like an unholy fool.

So I answer for all to hear,
Making it abundantly clear:
"I'm not interested in your wares!
I'm in church, and everyone stares!"

I forcefully hang up the phone,
And stand there in the pew, alone.
I awkwardly smile at them instead,
Still wishing I was truly dead.

"Please continue," I softly say,
"I'm not buying a thing today!"

The pastor clears his holy throat,
And reaches for his sermon note.
My wife exhales a heavy sigh,
And prays for rapture from the sky.

But then a buzz, a flashing light,
My phone erupts with all its might!
I panic, trip, and drop the thing,
And let the speaker loudly ring.

A robot voice, so bright and cheery,
Screams, "YOUR CAR'S EXTENDED WARRANTY!"
The pastor stops and shakes his head,
"You'd better take that deal," he said.

"The Lord forgives your earthly sin,
But not the shape your chevys in

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