Perhaps

I am not sure I feel pain anymore
Perhaps it is the numbness in my soul
Stricken by the frailty of my heart
That has mercilessly been an object
Of exhibition from dry bones
Perhaps it is the gruesome discord
Between reality and my will to accept
That failure is not only for the faint 
That it is also a subject of vicious patterns
That slowly engulfs a vivacious mind
Like the early stages of a malignant tumor

Saints wonder why my heart never bleeds
Perhaps no blood runs in my veins anymore
Only the colorless liquid from morning dew
That hugs my skin with fresh new dawn
Yes perhaps the hope of yesterday
Will be my rhythm for a new tomorrow
Perhaps the epilepsy in my life will pass
Yes, it will disappear like a fleeting dream

Friends ask why I don’t cry anymore
I tell them it is not the stiffness of my heart
But the pain beyond endurance in my soul
A pain so excruciating it can handle no tear
Perhaps I must live so others can live beyond
Perhaps I must fight that others may win the battle
Perhaps I must catch a glimpse of glory bright
Perhaps I must blink away the restless winds
That others may settle in the bliss of heavenly truth 

Heavens asked why I pray no more
Perhaps my life can no longer be a museum of eternity
Yet at the same time be manipulated
By short circuits of shame and outright rejection
Perhaps the bullets of abrupt loss 
Have left too any holes in my life
Perhaps my heavenly possession is more abstract 
Perhaps I am not sure what to tell daddy anymore
Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day
And perhaps tomorrow will never come
Perhaps I will wake up one morning
And all this will be but just another dream

They all ask why I am always smiling
Perhaps it’s the little girl in me
That never lost her innocence and simplicity
Perhaps it is the little voice in me
That always wants to sing jingle bells for Christmas
Perhaps it’s the little faith in me
That still wants to see the promise of heaven
Perhaps I am still waiting for the best of times 
Perhaps I am the best of times

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