Pea shaped enemy

When folks are young, they may feel blessed But I coped with bullies, life felt stressed, I started eating a lot, food always there In theory a good thing, in my case a snare, I ate whole boxes of doughnuts, chocolate cake too Into my mouth, tasty pastries flew Ate myself sick, could not disgorge Then tried to run it off, body in a forge Got strange symptoms, my extremities cold Felt fatigue in the morning, I was young, but felt old When I had a craving, to voraciously eat In the battle of will, it was always a defeat. The Hypothalamus is a pea shaped organ in the brain Supposed to regulate craving, but my mark of Cain Suppose to regulate reproductive urges too When that kicked in, shame added to the stew Not good or bad, food is meant to subsist but If I went by a bakery, I could not resist I'd pay for the delicacies, eat them standing there People looked at me, I pretended not to care Tried to eat bulk, solve the craving crime In dark alleys, ate whole watermelons at a time, If I had to buy something, I'd mail home the change A life of privilege, led to something so strange. Food was my master, it controlled me. But I fasted part time, that's how I broke free. I quieted down the enemy, now a friend Got a second wind, a damaged man on the mend. Got Shock Treatments, and Thorazine, Helped with the symptoms, stopped snacks, wiped clean. It wasn't all normal, I needed tricks for control Trying to conquer what swallowed my soul. The past can't be changed, but can one break the spell? Avoid the positive feedback into hell? You have to be selective, not clear out life's shelf Discipline is needed for sanity and health Not much is known about the traps in the mind I've been in some, hope I left them behind Should I blame myself, or blame my brain Can any recrimination wipe out the stain? When you're down in this life, baddies swoop with glee Like vultures circling a wounded prey, they came for me. They latched on, like an octopus in a marsh I tried to tell my story, but it sounded mad, too harsh. But it did make me think, as the iron rules kicked in A harsh lesson learned in a world where mercy runs thin. I should turn my back on the past, though I should not forget My new problems are worse, but I freed my mind from the net