Paranoid Schizophrenia
How can I help her when she doesn't want help?
She's content with living this way
No one can help her, not even herself
Her mind is her enemy but maybe not today
Paranoid Schizophrenia, I can't imagine how it feels
Trusting no one but yourself and your kids can be hell
Her thoughts recede to her past; Her mind, it reels
She distorts what has happened to what is happening; she simply cannot tell
I wish I could go back to when she was small
I would pick up the pieces and become the mother she never knew
I would build up defenses. ever so tall
And I would never let them hurt her; I would tell them their reign was through
Her step-mom was evil inside and out
Her father just sat by and let that disaster continue
She would beat her, mistreat her, degrade her no doubt
If I could've I would've, But now what could I do?
This beautiful soul, oh what a beautiful find
She fought for her kids; gave them everything she never received
For a long time, no one knew that she struggled with her mind
She held on for so long until it was time that she grieved
Her real mother moved out of state left her for another
But when she finally forgave her, memories would appear
She wished that her mom could've been more than a distant mother
But instead, she raised two kids of her own with a new love she held so dear
She raised them, she praised them, she was patient and kind
She had the personality I strive for each and every day
She was loving and giving despite her paranoid mind
She is a mother to me and my brother and I am thankful in every way
At the end of November 2013, her real mother passed away
She did not get to grieve, for she lost her husband in December
She's still trying to get through it, even today
I will never forget the sorrow; I will forever remember
My father had always been the rock; solid ground that she needed
Losing him shook us to our core; a pain I never knew
And that's when I lost her, that beautiful soul, her mind didn't want to believe it
She slowly distorted those thoughts and they became untwined through and through
On December 9th I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl
My mother loved her as if she were her own
But it was then her memories started to unfurl
Distortion, absorption, her thoughts became all that she had known
Some days she's happy but other days her fury becomes her
Anger, resentment, feelings she never truly got to display
If I could go back to my childhood; back to that little girl
I would tell her she's perfect despite her dismay
I would hold onto her; never fight or fuss
I would drown out her silent sorrow wipe away all of the hidden tears
She was and is the perfect mother; I am so thankful she created us
And despite the pain I am feeling today, I am grateful for all of the beautiful years
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