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Papa

For most my nights I use to cry myself to sleep and drench my pillow with tears
Because I was always haunted by one of my biggest fears
Which was waking up a another day and you wouldn’t be her  
Some nights I even thought about killing myself hoping that would be my cure

But then it wouldn’t do me any good because then I wouldn’t have you
So I just lie down and cry because I worry and that’s the only thing I can do
There have been some close calls and it left me permanently scarred and broken
And even though you tell me not to worry the pain already soak in 

So each time the ambulance takes you away with speed as they rush
That makes me scared of losing you and that makes my insides crush
Because without you there will be no me, you are the air I breathe 
You created the seed and gave this life to me

My heart is scattered but I promised you, I will try my best to deal with it, I swore
But each time that you are in pain, I am hurting twice much more
So that’s why sometimes when you go to the hospital, to me they won’t say
But they don’t have to tell me you’re in there because the way you feel, I feeling the same way

And although I really try my best to stand tall and not show it
Anyone who looks deep into my eyes, they already know it
People even call me the day dreamer because I always stare out and think
I call my heart the titanic because every day it feels like it’s going to sink

But I know you been through a lot and I just wish that I can take the pain for you 
And I know you don’t want me to think this way but what else can I do
Just sit here and watch you hurt and feel all that horrible pain
Well that just shatters my whole body and makes me want to go insane

Because I have to leave it up to the hands of the doctors and to them I’m thankful
They take good care of you and when you get out the hospital I’m joyful
I just worry so much that it feels like I’m broken and my heart is melting like a candle
But papa you are so strong and tough and most the pain you already know how to handle

I am just your baby so I know that you would feel the same way if you were in my shoes
To see your daughter hurting and your hands were tied because there is nothing you can do
I just wrote this poem to let you that I feel what you are going through
And express the feelings that I had bottled up but mostly to show you how much I love you

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