Out of Breath

I'm not the only one who thinks about this I know. But I always think of when it will be my time to go. How much longer until I run out of breath? When will I meet the black cloak of death? When most people think about this event, they imagine a time down the road when they're spent. For some reason, I always feel that my fate is close. Like within a couple of years or so, I'll be saying adios. I don't know why I have these thoughts or feel this way. It feels like the everything is crumbling and there is nothing to say. I wish I had a better outlook on what I am seeing. Although sometimes I do feel pointless as a human being. I just wish things were different and didn't turn out like this. Looking ahead to my future is like staring into a dark abyss. Everything I worked hard for and I didn't seem to get or achieve. Maybe if I'm honest with myself, I am kind of welcoming when I leave.