Open Plea

Open Plea Lord, please forgive me, but the devil constantly tempts me. You gave me a body full of life, but at times, my soul feels empty. These demons are relentless. Life's a and a seductive temptress.  Being evil is so easy, seven deadly sins for every instance.  I'm crying out, without a doubt. I feel so lost and out of control. And just when I thought I found a bridge to You, I realized how much pressure took its toll. I come to You on bended knee, with nothing but humility and submission. And through dedication to prayer and meditation, I hope to understand Your decisions. But only if it is Your Will, because I could never wish to possess Your wisdom. For I've already felt a small grain of Your wrath, as bright as a sea of Crimson. Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in, with the ceiling and the floor meeting.  I done cried so hard for so many years I feel like my eyes are bleeding. Dear God, please give me strength, before I do something drastic. Sometimes, I feel like a dead man walking. With the earth as my casket. Now I don't mean to seem ungrateful, for the breath of life You've given me.  But I ask of You, Lord, deliver me from this evil, or take me out of my misery. Dear Father, I understand I was blessed with gifts and talents, but I feel overwhelmed by dark curse. If we were all born to die, then I must have been birthed in a hearse. I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle, that I'm gonna ride until the wheels fall off. I'm not asking you to play The Devil's Advocate. But could You please have these demons called off? They say You're always on time, and you never give us more than we can handle. But I'm struggling, hanging off the edge of the watchtower, losing my grip, with the fire burning both ends of the candle. Now, I know we're not supposed to question You. I don't mean for this to sound like an interrogation. But is this something like what happened with Job, when you decided to make a wager with Satan? At the end of life, I'm trying to reach the upper room, if it was written. I didn't realize to get to the stairway to Heaven, I had to go through Hell's Kitchen. You said, "Come to Me as you are."  You know me better than anybody. I know you look out for fools and babies. So I wouldn't even feel foolish coming to you sitting on the potty. This is me just washing out my spirit. And rinsing the dirt out of my soul. I got too much **** on my plate to be pinned under a toilet bowl. I never doubted that You love me. And that You sent me here on a mission. But sometimes, I wish You would suspend free will.  So it wouldn't have to be my decision. But this is nothing you can google, or look up on YouTube, like "How to Build a Shelf." I just gotta keep in mind, that You gave me the tools, and I'm the only one that could fix myself.  If life is a card game, then I definitely came to win. I joined the CLUB as a DIAMOND in the rough.  Let's call a SPADE a spade, only You know what's really in the HEARTS of men.  Amen