Only Mostly Dead
Only Mostly Dead
by Rick Rucker
As I lay on the Gurney, I think of what the Doctor said,
"You are very lucky, you are only mostly dead!"
I asked if that meant I had a chance,
"Depends on how soon they send the ambulance!"
That they came, I can report,
Also, that I can now contort,
Lying on the bed, you see,
My head was resting on my knee!
Something about that seemed quite wrong,
They gave me a shot, I went along!
I wondered how I had swallowed a porcupine,
And why was he trying to escape through my spine?
Soon, the needle did the trick,
My breathing was not quite as quick.
They took the pressure of my blood,
Next thing, there was a thud!
First, a pressure-leaking whistle,
Then the machine took off, like a missile!
Were it not for the med,
I would have run screaming, from my bed!
Oh, and that other thing,
I was twisted around like a ring!
Instead of run, I had a better chance to fly,
Figuring all along that I would die.
I couldn't pee, I couldn't eat,
Boy! This is really neat!
Three days of this I endured,
To the pain, I became inured.
What dragged me screaming from my lull?
Probably a popcorn hull!
I promise you, on my dying day,
Orville Redenbacker, don't near The Pearly Gates stray!
Copyright © Rick Rucker | Year Posted 2010
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