One Year

This crap...back and fourth...hot and cold...in and out...Too screwed up to figure out what this is all about. I could scream and shout...but my love remains devout... to infinite amounts without a doubt. Stuck in the mud...of the grave that's been dug...few moments of peace within the few snug hugs...then shaken away like the dust on throw rugs. Long talks...long walks...tears cried...tears dried...over lies lied. Too stubborn...too torn... two people with a lot of pride. Happy...sad...anxious...mad...emotions up and down...like a roller coaster ride...but still won't subside...because he's still the one and only I'm confident to confide...but these days wanna run and hide...tired...but faithful...hopeful...in the decision I myself can't decide. So I wait...try to relate...often times debate...contemplate...wish...hope...it's not to late...to start over with a clean slate...believe in that blind faith...for my family's togetherness sake...I'm living a nightmare...but I am awake...can't tell between fact and fiction...true loving feelings...or fake...Texas holdem...and my heart is at stake. So much confusion...disillusion...over one conclusion...terrified of losing...the one that I so long ago have chosen. Optimistic...pessimistic...i love you...I hate you...your a dick. Confliction causing friction...wanna change this situation into fiction. Tomorrows a year...and nothing is clear...if I was an alcoholic I'd drown the sorrows in a beer...but instead I'll deal with what’s been dealt...shedding the warmth of my salty tears...take a look in the mirror...and clean up the mascara that's been smeared. But it is what it is...one day at a time...faith...hope...no reaching for the dope...to help me cope...put down the rope. Pray for the best...get past this test...find a way to give my mind and heart a rest...give him peace and patience to rest his dome...and keep the faith in him to find his...own...way back home...so neither of us ever gotta feel alone.