Oh, Ruthless Nature

How I wish for that cold and flinty stare the one that tells you 'I don't care' to hold another, at arm's length would seem to need so little strength But, I am weak and've not the heart it seems it takes, to show no heart I've trembled, quaked and even quivered when the time required that I deliver a simple no; or not today a trivial act; a slight delay Instead I bear this morbid need to supplicate; to please, to bleed apologies and explanations the most sincere substantiations Do they make the deed seem so less than these sins that I must now confess? I've prayed to God to make me feared not loved, respected, nor revered Alas, he did not make me ruthless, I'm cursed to live my life, still toothless