Oh No

Oh God Most High, oh no… I’ve done it again… Oh Lord, why did I sin that same sin over and over again? You know what I’m talking about… Your mercy is shining no doubt… My world is upside down without You So, come save me from myself… My human nature is my enemy… My life is like a rocky mountain My eyes are crying a fountain Why am I being so rebellious these days? Why am I being so foolish in my ways? I want Your freedom to set me free Even if it’s for a temporary time I feel like I might explode… Because I am overwhelmed… So, here’s my ode, longing for Your abode I stay up late because I worry too much I sleep in too much because there’s so much on my mind and such I love You God, but I need to significantly prove it… With better decisions before I fall into sorrow’s pit I feel uneasiness in my childish heart I’m slowly tearing apart from the start There’s no price tag to Your mercy You are like the numerous stars in the midnight sky Forgive me, Lord, please forgive me… I keep sinning and sinning and I don’t know…exactly why Maybe, I’m too lost to be found You’re the sky and I the ground I know You will see me through… You understand why I feel blue… I feel alone in my mindset of madness Yes, I can’t stand the constant sadness I just want to be fulfilled with Your gladness I need and want Your hopeful happiness Don’t forget me in the dust, oh Lord… You give me accord… When chaos comes my way night and day Get rid of my dismay… I am strong when You are near my side Something in me has, you know, died… And I want to know where You are… So, you can mend this scarlet scar Because it bleeds on Till the break of dawn I am in fragments when I am not by Your side I know You’re the kind that’s kind with no pride You have humility that is above anyone else’s actually… And I want this badly with my heart…I am running out of time frankly… I know I am not like Christ when he walks on water I know I am not like You – compared to You, I am the gutter You are the furnace to my faithful fear You are the canvas of my childlike cheer… And I wanted you to know that…I wear this somewhat joyful crown I am a whirlwind of smiles, not a monsoon’s frightening frown I need space to call my own for the meantime… I bite my lower lip…chapped with countless, chastening regret I understand that Your timing is the perfect time, But I want Your love to cover all my sins that make me upset Psalm 126:5 – Those who sow in tears will reap with a song of joy. I know I’ve been a rebellious and grief-stricken son…I will be a benevolent boy and I will make You jump in Joy! No longer has a manipulated toy in this society that’s making me feel coy…but You rescue me with Joy I can’t help, but feel like that toy…this feel-bad-for-me mentality – its sole purpose is to tear my structure of Faith and Hope down, so I count every hardship a Joy! God, I don’t mean to fill Your right hand with a mixture of cheers and fears and tears, but You count me and them a Joy! Boy, how I feel relieved from my distress... Something in me is feeling happiness and joy's success...