Oddly cold

Surrounded by people, ones I love Fake smile hides the oddly cold feeling hidden beneath this shell. You have a beautiful face, I like to look at it. What I don't hear, Your have a beautiful soul, your love is like no other. Accountability is hard for people to accept, I struggle with it too, but I'm sick of being the one to say sorry when the back hand remarks seap through my brain, like cigarette smoke in clothing. Mockingbird is what I should call you, but a mocking bird doesn't mock out of spite, so I'll call you intruder. Attacking who I am, questioning if I don't mock you or laugh what should I do? Maybe try to understand, understand that these very things are what make me, me! That I have found peace in, these very things you mock have made me not question my existence, my self doubt. But yet here we are laying next to one another. After hours of no talking, then some yelling, silence again, but let us pretend everything is okay. Pretending only lasts so long until someone finds the connection they've been yearning for. Utill someone starts th fire with a spark that ones been fighting to light but the other hides behind past trauma and is to scared to get help. I who has been trying to light the fire will feel the warmth and you will feel oddly cold with a fake smile, but no beautiful face to be seen.