No To Self Entitlement

All I ever wanted was to shine. But I deemed my light by not saying what needed to be said Not to my narcissistic mother and neglective father Not to my toxic and untrustworthy friends Not to my bully at school Not to that teacher whom always underestimated me Not to my emotionally unavailable ex boyfriend Not to judgey church members Not to a “bestie" who ghosts me Not to my junkie uncle whom I have nightmares over every night I needed to tell me the truth, That nobody owes me a thing . Just because my childhood was a mess , I wasn't entitled a great adulthood . Drowning in self-pity would actually be my biggest betrayal Now I’m sitting here in shambles hoping no one remembers that A+ girl from high school I watch as life plays slideshows of my school mate's successes And all I think about is how I just gave up on myself simple because I've been mistreated And somehow think that mother Universe owes me for such a life. If I could turn back the time, I would whisper to my younger self “no to self pity, no to entitlements and no , nobody owes you a good life, you create it yourself”.