No Longer the Motherless Daughter

Today’s the day they bury the woman who birthed me. Not my mother. There is no sadness in my thoughts. No tugging at the heart. The tender bond between a mother and daughter we did not share. She was merely a woman in the world of billions who chose life over abortion only to give me torment and agony during the life we breathed in air together. I will not miss her. I will not cry over her. I will not give credit to her. This woman never loved me. Never consoled me. Never gave me the warm hugs a little girl needs to have. Never kissed my forehead in loving affection. Or told me I was beautiful inside and out. She never encouraged my dreams, my goals, my aspirations. She never instilled confidence that every little girl needs to survive in this cruel world. She never taught me the essentials of being a woman as I emerged into one. She never said, “I love you” gently into my ears. She didn’t protect me from the devil, who night after night, raped and tortured me. I was the enemy. The one who invaded her sacred vow to my father. The other woman I will always be. Not the daughter she was blessed with. I clawed my way out of the hole she so viciously threw me down in. I let go of the victim and embraced the survivor. She can never hurt me again. Never pour salt in the wound. Never hurt my daughter as she wounded me. Somehow I was given the grace to shower my daughter with love and affection. I pour my love all over her. I console her when she is sad. I embrace her with hugs. I kiss her forehead with loving affection. I tell her how brilliant and beautiful she is inside and out. I encourage her dreams and goals in life and push her towards her aspirations. I have made sure she has confidence that will get her through challenges in her life. I have taught her how blessed she is to be the young, emerging woman she is becoming. I have taught her to embrace her body, her mind, her soul. I tell her every day how much I love and adore her and how much I am blessed she is mine to keep. I protect her. But also allow her to fall so she can learn to pick herself up. I let her know she is my everything and my life with her is an adventure. I am blessed beyond all treasures. I am nothing like the woman who birthed me. We only share DNA. I will forever be a motherless daughter. But I will not be a daughterless mother.