No Farting Allowed

At work it was slack- not much to do,
The boss was out on the prowl. 
We have to look busy no matter what
His face was all of a scowl.

I had the misfortune to pick up a paper
A paper someone bought for their break,
The boss he saw- and he descended on me
The shock made my knees begin to quiver and shake.

His name was Marsh but we called him Swampy
A more evil man there never was…
I expected to end up like a corpse from Pompey
When to his office he dragged me because.

The fear made me shake
And wind I did break
The smell permeated through the air…
He stood looking at me but I could see-
           to ask me he never would dare…

My lips began to twitch, my nose began to itch
What on earth was I going to do?
He opened the door pushed me out to the shop floor
The shock made me-
            nearly drop a poo...

I heard a big gasp
He took a deep breath in at last
I ran off before he caught me again.

The lesson I learnt 
I know now why matches are burnt
In small closets all over the land…
But as I don’t smoke, when I break wind I choke
As I never have matches to hand.

From that day forth 
Matches are in my pocket henceforth
Swampy can catch me on a skive if he does like
But he never has-he avoids me because
When he is around I get out the matches and strike….
Copyright © | Year Posted 2012

Poem

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Horsman Avatar
November 4, 2012 at 2:51 PM
so that your secret, this is clever Mandy very clever..and very funny.....
Brown Avatar
May 23, 2012 at 5:56 AM
Congratulations on your well deserved win in P.D.'s "Pooping" contest Mandy. Love, Carol
A   Avatar
May 22, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Mandy, I'm holding my nose all the way down the list... ha ha ha! , the smell and yucky image, made me laugh so much... thank you for the smiles, and the laugh... I think poop is so gross , but, funny when spoke of... he he he!!! ,,Congratulations for your awesome pooping entry! thank you for supporting my contest. Take care ~ALWAYS * the one and only :-) PD
May Avatar
May 22, 2012 at 8:20 PM
congrats on your win Mandy
Dietrich Avatar
May 22, 2012 at 7:34 PM
ah yes, I remember this well. Congrats on the win!!!
Kendrick Avatar
May 22, 2012 at 3:35 PM
Congrats on your winning work..Sara
Hunter Avatar
May 22, 2012 at 2:02 PM
So funny and well put together! Congrats on your placement!
Dietrich Avatar
May 21, 2012 at 9:45 PM
haha on Swampy. what a funny poem, Mandy!
Williams Avatar
May 21, 2012 at 1:27 PM
email..
Brown Avatar
May 21, 2012 at 11:23 AM
It was a pleasure to read your poetry this Monday afternoon Mandy. I wish you much inspiration that you may continue with your writing endeavors whatever they may be. Have a wonderful fun loving week and keep the old pen flowing. Love, Carol
Johnson-Saunders Avatar
May 21, 2012 at 7:18 AM
You can weave a tale like no one else, Mandy! This is hilarious and a winner for sure. Well done!! Blessings and Love, Rhonda
Devonshire Avatar
May 20, 2012 at 2:53 PM
What a riot! Your poem is so funny, Mandy. My stepmother kept matches n the bathroom -- just in case. I this your insensitive boss is the "corpse from Pompey." Very cool lines with internal rhyme, alliteration and an incredible rhythm all its own. Best wishes in the contest! Love, carolyn
Williams Avatar
May 20, 2012 at 2:45 PM
Mandy, ha ha ha only in England would someone get the name swampy, love it ..Dave
A   Avatar
May 20, 2012 at 2:30 PM
Mandy, ha ha... Peeking on your entry...can't believe my contest..closed twice today.. Added a couple more entries.. Than, poof it waa gone again...have a nice Sunday,..pd
Madonsela Avatar
May 20, 2012 at 1:58 PM
funny yet honest. Sounds like a very sticky situation.
Falotico Avatar
May 20, 2012 at 1:54 PM
Lol. Lol. Very good Mandy!! Thanks for the link and I'm glad you like my book. Hugs Michael
Onclaud Avatar
May 20, 2012 at 1:51 PM
what a fun tale, mandy... matches keep the smell away.. a good one with winning hugggs!:)
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