New Year's Resolutions

NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS (from a dutiful husband for his loyal wife) I’ll promise in the year ahead To never, ever fart in bed, Nor say how she should get thinner At our anniversary dinner To she who’ll wash my underpants I’ll whisper words of sweet romance, Like ‘dear, I smell your fragrant odour’, NOT ‘how about a quick legover?’ I’ll promise I’ll learn how to cook From that old Nigella book, ‘Monkfish Bake with Fried Pancetta’ Though egg and chips would taste much better I’ll book us both a holiday Somewhere hot for lazy days, We’ll get suntanned and drink sambuccas, (Hope no-one sees my huge verrucas) High as kites on karaoke We’ll sing a duet, something folky ‘I Got You Babe’? No, ‘cos on balance Singing’s not among her talents We’ll watch the sunset hand in hand, Strolling on the golden sand, Taking in the sun-kissed view When suddenly from out the blue I’ll take a gold ring from my pocket Go down on one sore knee socket, And ask her to renew our vows On holiday, if time allows You see, I wouldn’t change a thing…. Apart from ask her not to sing!