Never Be Too Far Away

Be sure to check the pockets When you do the children’s clothes. Clean the lint from the dryer And the washer’s discharge hose. Check the pump in the basement When you get a heavy rain. Keep an eye on the furnace, That old bastard’s such a pain. Pay the gas, the electric And the water bills on time. You should make it through Christmas If you budget every dime. Put my fly rod, my golf clubs And my shotgun up for sale. Tell that jerk-off attorney The check is in the mail. I might be gone, But I’ll never be too far away. There’s a window needs fixing, But I can’t remember which, And that light in the kitchen, Have your dad replace the switch. Keep a good sense of humor. Everybody understands. Toss a salad for dinner, Just be careful where it lands. Lock the doors and the windows When it’s time to settle in. Give my love to the children. Don’t regret what might’ve been. Set your cell phone on vibrate, Tuck it in and hold on tight. I’m gonna call you and call you And call you all night. I might be gone, But I’ll never be too far away