My Wish

I stop and look around, looking in amazement As I notice I’m all alone. I look at the clock on the computer screen And see it’s been two hours of solitaire. I kind of panic as I see a drink And I frantically look for the phone. I left it down stairs, on purpose you know, I’m addicted and think it’s not fair. The truth they say is the ticket to forgiveness And the first step in recovery. This isn’t new, it’s something I know, Yet keep slipping and screwing things up. Of all the people I’ve been swearing allegiance to The one I need to forgive is me. And yet, I type these words to give me strength While I hoist still another cup. I read the words I’ve written tonight While lonely, scared and using. My thoughts dally in my long, lost past When I thought it was giving me fun. Yet when I come back to right here and now I’m melancholy, sad and musing … If I could have a wish right now, It’s that using I had never begun.